One And Only
by MissMahjong
Summary: Sherlock gets overwhelmed and is in for a surprise awakening. Warning! It's Cracktastic! All crack and Sherlock AUs


Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, they all belong to their respective creators.

~ One and Only

"No! Stop it OctoJohn!" shrieked Batjohn.

"What?"

"You're going to drown MothJohn."

"Yeah, and?"

"You can't drown him."

"Says who?"

"Says me, I'm going to eat him alive."

"I love lamp." MothJohn mentioned.

"No BatJohn, I'm going to drown him and then I'm going to drown you!"

"You can't drown me!"

"I love lamp!"

"Yes I can! There can only be one John and that's me, OctoJohn!"

"No, it'll be me, BatJohn! And after I eat MothJohn, I'll eat you like sushi!"

"Oh no you won't!"

"Oh yes I will!"

"You three! What are you doing?!" Sherlock looked over at the three beings.

"Playing!" Two small voices chimed out while the other small voice stated, "Lamp!"

"Aren't they adorable Sherlock?"

The detective looked across the desk finding human size John with ink black eyes, making the tall brunette flinch, realizing who it was.

"Yeah, adorable. Good to know you're here, DemonJohn."

The demon grinned, showing off his sharp teeth, their attentions were soon diverted to the loud and excited stomping coming up the stairs. A small blonde boy ran up to Sherlock followed by a small dog in a jumper.

"Daddy! Look what me and CorgiJohn drew for you?!"

Caught completely off guard, Sherlock could only respond with, "Oh, that's great…?" The small boy beamed and Sherlock knew it was ChildJohn, but it was strange. Sherlock couldn't remember waking up this morning and everything seemed blank until now; something was off. Wet slaps of hands on tiles caught Sherlock's attention to the kitchen floor. The wet, nude torso and up was John but the bottom half was that of a fish

"I've been waiting for you in the bathroom for nearly twenty minutes and here you are flirting with _that_ cock slut!"

"At least I have a cock, unlike your greasy appendage." DemonJohn sneered and MerJohn and they argued. Normally, odd events and things were just what Sherlock needed to alleviate the boredom but even this was _too weird, _even for him.

"Sherloooock! You promised to rub my tummy! After all, you put the baby in here!" Whined a very pregnant John, 'what the hell?' Beside pregnant John on the sofa, sat another John with strong ram features, complete with horns and hooves, he snorted in Sherlock's direction.

"You! You made me do this!" shouted a nearly transparent John.

"What did I-!"

"You jump from the top of that stupid roof! And I followed you, I'm dead now, all thanks to you!"

"No, John you- wait."

'What the hell is going on?', Sherlock thought. Then a winged version appeared to have flown down from the ceiling but that's impossible. Winged John started to raise his voice in complaints at Sherlock and began to move towards the detective. The other Johns joined in on crowding Sherlock, surrounding him, yelling, whining, complaining, arguing when suddenly MothJohn appeared directly before his eyes and growled in the most demonic voice, "I Love Lamp!"

Sherlock rolled off the bed in a mess of tangled blankets, flailing limbs and a 'yelp'. John woke up to the nighttime commotion, quickly figuring out that Sherlock fell off the bed and looked over.

"Oh God, Sherlock, are you alright?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm-" Sherlock stared at John with confusion.

"What's wrong?"

Sherlock immediately got back on the bed again, concentrating on John.

"Is that all you can say?"

"Yes, I'm inquiring about your condition after you just fell off the bed." John giggled the last part.

"Oh, good, you've got more than a one phrase vocabulary. Any ears? Wings? Tentacles? A tail? You're not an apparition are you?"

Confusion filled John's face,

"No…?"

"A demon?"

"No Sherlock, I'm not any kind of genetic mutation or supernatural being."

"Good, that's good… Brilliant." Sherlock breathed out.

"What brought all this on?"

"Nothing, just… a nightmare."

"A nightmare?" the short blonde sounded skeptical.

"Remind me to never read our fan mail again."

"You read the fan mail? Isn't your head already big enough as it is?"

"I was bored and thought making fun of our fan's grammar skills could entertain me."

"You're such a child." John gently chastised.

"Yes, well, it did nothing to boost my inflamed ego but it would yours."

"Boost my ego? How?"

"The fans all adore you John. They're crazy about you."

"Stop it." More skepticism.

"No, it's true, they've gone to extreme lengths of showing their admiration for you."

"How extreme are we talking about?"

"The fans have made art work with you as animal hybrids or paranormal beings."

"Is that why all the questions?"

"Yes. Some fans even gone so far as to draw you pregnant with my child."

"What!? Really!? How does that work?"

"The hell if I know, it's not something I want to dwell on."

"So… you had a nightmare… from the fan mail?"

"All of your cross mutation beings were in the nightmare, pestering, arguing, bothering, fighting, it was all annoying." Sherlock explained.

"I hope that's not what you subconsciously think of me." John eyes were down cast as Sherlock rambled off about the behavior of his hybrids. The tall brunette quickly took note of the change in his John's voice and face and remedied the situation.

"No, never, I like your annoying company."

John quirked a brow.

"You know what I mean."

"Yeah, I do, I've been with you long enough to see that."

"Good because you would have been annoyed at you hybrid selves too."

"Really?"

"John, there was a moth version of you that kept saying 'I love lamp'!"

"Bwa haha hahaha haha!" John laughed and soon Sherlock joined him too.

**Author's Note:** This is the crackiest of the crack, don't take too seriously, it's just a silly idea of taking a good chunk of some of the Sherlock AU focused on John and setting them loose on Sherlock.


End file.
